The Joke Thread

[Gregor]

My internal medicine doctor referred me to a urologist.

The urologist was a female, beautiful, and unbelievably
sexy looking.

She told me that I have to stop masturbating.

I asked her why.

She said, 'Because I am trying to examine you.'

You get the point.

[Tha_Professa]

So there is a "The Joke Thread"....
I'm waiting on a Bedussy joke.

[homesystem]

So I asked my girlfriend to go to the symphony.  She asked what they were playing, and I said 'Bedussy'.  She slapped me in the face.

[homesystem]

And now, to make up for that...
"How many Pollocks does it take to fuck your wife?"

(Pointing both middle fingers at self) "Just one!"

[Bull]

Did you hear Ellen Degeneres drowned?

She was found face down in Ricki Lake.

[Gregor]

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in Information Technology," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist," everything you told me is technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much Help at all. If
anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot
air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you
expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in
exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow,
it's my fault."

[Jeebas]

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in Information Technology," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist," everything you told me is technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much Help at all. If
anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot
air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you
expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in
exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow,
it's my fault."

goooooood

[Nye]

Best joke in this thread yet. I'm surprised at the general lack of posts here.  For shame assholes, for shame.  I'm gonna steal some from elsewheres.

[Tha_Professa]

I'm surprised at the general lack of posts here. 

Why?  Of course we're not gonna have many jokes... we're usually all business around here.

[homesystem]

Best joke in this thread yet. I'm surprised at the general lack of posts here.  For shame assholes, for shame.  I'm gonna steal some from elsewheres.

Excuse me.... I believe I posted the best joke in the world already...

[Jeebas]

So there is a "The Joke Thread"....
I'm waiting on a Bedussy joke.

wtf is this Bedussy shit anyways?

[Bull]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving
at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place
where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies,
'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
 
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says, 'Are you Lily, the stripper from the bachelor party
that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while
your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

[Gregor]

So there is a "The Joke Thread"....
I'm waiting on a Bedussy joke.

wtf is this Bedussy shit anyways?

For shame.  Someone hasn't listened to YORSP live on WRCT recently.

What's archive.org's policy on that?  Could we upload a "show" that was broadcast on ye-olde radio?

[Jeebas]

So there is a "The Joke Thread"....
I'm waiting on a Bedussy joke.

wtf is this Bedussy shit anyways?

For shame.  Someone hasn't listened to YORSP live on WRCT recently.

What's archive.org's policy on that?  Could we upload a "show" that was broadcast on ye-olde radio?

or ever... when did you guys do that?

[Tha_Professa]

I think it will have been 2 years this March/April.

[Nye]

        STEELERS BABY

        A Pittsburgh Steelers fan is drinking in a Cleveland bar, when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Pittsburgh baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

         

        Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Steelers fan just shrugs and replies: "That's about average back home, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical Pittsburgh baby boy."

"He's gonna be a Pittsburgh Steelers football player."

Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of "WOW!"

One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says: "Say, aren't you the father of that typical Pittsburgh baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks."

"So, how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers: "Seventeen pounds."

 

The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"

 

The Steelers fan father takes a slow swig of his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says:

 

"HAD HIM CIRCUMCISED!!!."

[newefezziwig]

You talkin bout ol' Lead Penis McGee?

[Nye]

Someone post something, i'm fuckin bored!

[Tha_Professa]

Gas was up to $1.899 at Sheetz today.
And after looking at my bank account, it seems the price of the Straub 16oz seems to have gone up 25 cents to $20.25 (I didn't bother to check the receipt last night.)

Actually... now you might be more bored.  I know I am.

[Nye]

That sucks. But in my boredom I finally begrudginly accepted a certain friend request, but every cloud has a silver lining as it lead to this:

http://www.ridgwayrecord.com/content/view/167894/85/

I only got about 20 lines down before I started choking on my own blood.

[Nye]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

[roxy]

Bull, you should post that joke you told on Saturday.

[Bull]

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?

[Tha_Professa]

The cost?

[homesystem]

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?

Little bit of a delay?

[Tha_Professa]

"Your Mom"?? ?? ??

[$1.50]

Red Rocket???

[Jeebas]

"I knew you when you were nothing"?

[Nye]

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?

What are you? A gay fish?

[Bull]

I can't peanut butter my dick into your mouth!