What the $700 Billion Dollar Bailout Means for You

[$1.50]

It didn't burst. It combusted.

[Tank Decker]

Bear with me on this, it's part rant and mostly fact.  We keep hearing that the government wants to pass a much needed $700 billion dollar bailout package or the economic situation in the United States will meltdown.  It's pretty much the use of fear to get us to go along with it.  Think of it like a Madlib, "You must do (verb) to protect (noun we care about) from (noun)".  For example, "You must pass the Patriot Act to protect American freedom from terrorists".  Except here it's "You must pass the economic bailout to protect your 401k and assets from meltdown."

That being said, I actually read the 451 page economic bailout package that Congress passed last night and found some absolute garbage that has been added to the bailout package (my personal favorite being the EXEMPTION FROM EXCISE TAX FOR CERTAIN WOODEN ARROWS DESIGNED FOR USE BY CHILDREN).  I know the list is long (that's what she said), but it is a list of just some of the examples of what has been added to this bloated package.  If you are at all bothered by this, I suggest you contact your representatives in the House and urge them not to pass this bill. 

Okay, here you go:

Things in the Bill:

SEC. 101. PURCHASES OF TROUBLED ASSETS.
AUTHORITY — The Secretary is authorized to establish the Troubled Asset Relief Program (or TARP) to purchase, and to make and fund commitments to purchase, troubled assets from any financial institution, on such terms and conditions as are determined by the Secretary, and in accordance with this Act and the policies and procedures developed and published by the Secretary.

Credits for green energy initiative and energy efficient homes

Credit for Steel Industry Fuel (is a liquid, gaseous, or solid fuel produced from coal, including lignite, or high carbon fly ash, including such fuel used as a feedstock)

Carbon Mitigation and Coal Provisions (EXPANSION OF AGGREGATE CREDITS is amended by striking $1,300,000,000 and inserting $2,550,000,000)

EXPANSION AND MODIFICATION OF COAL GASIFICATION INVESTMENT CREDIT.

TAX CREDIT FOR CARBON DIOXIDE SEQUESTRATION.  The carbon dioxide sequestration credit for any taxable 4 year is an amount equal to the sum of (1) $20 per metric ton of qualified carbon dioxide which is—
   (A) captured by the taxpayer at a qualified facility, and
   (B) disposed of by the taxpayer in secure geological storage, and
(2) $10 per metric ton of qualified carbon dioxide which is—
   (A) captured by the taxpayer at a qualified facility, and
   (B) used by the taxpayer as a tertiary injectant in a qualified enhanced oil or natural gas recovery project.

SEC. 201. INCLUSION OF CELLULOSIC BIOFUEL IN BONUS DEPRECIATION FOR BIOMASS ETHANOL PLANT PROPERTY.

SEC. 202. CREDITS FOR BIODIESEL AND RENEWABLE DIESEL.

SEC. 205. CREDIT FOR NEW QUALIFIED PLUG-IN ELECTRIC DRIVE MOTOR VEHICLES.
APPLICABLE AMOUNT
   (A) $2,500, plus
   (B) $417 for each kilowatt hour of traction battery capacity in excess of 4 kilowatt 24 hours.

SEC. 206. EXCLUSION FROM HEAVY TRUCK TAX FOR IDLING REDUCTION UNITS AND ADVANCED INSULATION (IDLING REDUCTION DEVICE — Any device or system of devices which is designed to provide to a vehicle those services (such as heat, air conditioning, or electricity) that would otherwise require the operation of the main drive engine while the vehicle is temporarily parked or remains stationary using one or more devices affixed to a tractor, and is determined by the Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency, in consultation with the Secretary of Energy and the Secretary of Transportation, to reduce idling of such vehicle at a motor vehicle rest stop or other location where such vehicles are temporarily parked or remain stationary.

SEC. 207. ALTERNATIVE FUEL VEHICLE REFUELING PROPERTY CREDIT.

SEC. 211. TRANSPORTATION FRINGE BENEFIT TO BICYCLE COMMUTERS.

SEC. 303. ENERGY EFFICIENT COMMERCIAL BUILDINGS DEDUCTION.

SEC. 304. NEW ENERGY EFFICIENT HOME CREDIT.

SEC. 305. EXTENSION OF 15-YEAR STRAIGHT-LINE COST RECOVERY FOR QUALIFIED LEASEHOLD IMPROVEMENTS AND QUALIFIED RESTAURANT IMPROVEMENTS; 15-YEAR STRAIGHT-LINE COST RECOVERY FOR CERTAIN IMPROVEmENTS TO RETAIL SPACE.

SEC. 308. INCREASE IN LIMIT ON COVER OVER OF RUM EXCISE TAX TO PUERTO RICO AND THE VIRGIN ISLANDS.

SEC. 309. EXTENSION OF ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT CREDIT FOR AMERICAN SAMOA.

SEC. 310. EXTENSION OF MINE RESCUE TEAM TRAINING CREDIT.

SEC. 314. INDIAN EMPLOYMENT CREDIT.

SEC. 315. DIRIGIBLE COMMUTER CREDIT

SEC. 316. RAILROAD TRACK MAINTENANCE.

SEC. 325. EXTENSION AND MODIFICATION OF DUTY SUSPENSION ON WOOL PRODUCTS; WOOL RESEARCH FUND; WOOL DUTY REFUNDS.

SEC. 502. PROVISIONS RELATED TO FILM AND TELEVISION PRODUCTIONS.

SEC. 503. EXEMPTION FROM EXCISE TAX FOR CERTAIN WOODEN ARROWS DESIGNED FOR USE BY CHILDREN.
EXEMPTION FOR CERTAIN WOODEN ARROW SHAFTS.  Shall not apply to any shaft consisting of all natural wood with no laminations or artificial means of enhancing the spine of such shaft (whether sold separately or incorporated as part of a finished or unfinished product) of a type used in the manufacture of any arrow which after its assembly—
(i) measures 5⁄16 of an inch or less in diameter, and
(ii) is not suitable for use with a bow described in paragraph (1)(A).’’.

SEC. 504. INCOME AVERAGING FOR AMOUNTS RECEIVED IN CONNECTION WITH THE EXXON VALDEZ LITIGATION.

Subtitle B—Paul Wellstone and Pete Domenici Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act of 2008

SEC. 601. SECURE RURAL SCHOOLS AND COMMUNITY SELF DETERMINATION PROGRAM.
‘‘The purposes of this Act are—
(1) to stabilize and transition payments to counties to provide funding for schools and roads that supplements other available funds;
(2) to make additional investments in, and create additional employment opportunities through, projects that—
   (A)(i) improve the maintenance of existing infrastructure;
      (ii) implement stewardship objectives that enhance forest ecosystems; and
      (iii) restore and improve land health and water quality;
   (B) enjoy broad-based support; and
   (C) have objectives that may include—
      (i) road, trail, and infrastructure maintenance or obliteration;
      (ii) soil productivity improvement;
      (iii) improvements in forest ecosystem health;
      (iv) watershed restoration and maintenance;
      (v) the restoration, maintenance, and improvement of wildlife and fish habitat;
      (vi) the control of noxious and exotic weeds; and
      (vii) the reestablishment of native species; and
(3) to improve cooperative relationships among—
   (A) the people that use and care for Federal land; and
   (B) the agencies that manage the Federal land.

SEC. 702. TEMPORARY TAX RELIEF FOR AREAS DAMAGED BY 2008 MIDWESTERN SEVERE STORMS, TORNADOS, AND FLOODING.

SEC. 457A. NONQUALIFIED DEFERRED COMPENSATION FROM CERTAIN TAX INDIFFERENT PARTIES.
‘‘(a) IN GENERAL.—Any compensation which is deferred under a nonqualified deferred compensation plan of a nonqualified entity shall be includible in gross income when there is no substantial risk of forfeiture of the rights to such compensation."

I thought I saw something strange the first time I glossed over this tract (section 315!)

[homesystem]

Well, in this upcoming World War (or Great War, or War to end all Wars or whatever you wanna call it) just make sure to stay away from any static military front in Eastern France, especially around Verdun.

[Shoval Manuts]

Well, the president signed it, and here's more detail on some of the earmarks in the bill:

Excise tax exemption for a very specific type of arrow used by child archers - cost to taxpayers, $2 million over 10 years.

Allowing employers to provide benefits to employees who commute to work via bicycle, such as buying and maintaining a bike - cost to taxpayers, $10 million.

Movie production companies will be allowed to deduct the cost of producing films from their taxes - cost to taxpayers, $478 million over 10 years.

Owners of a motor sports racetrack (Nascar bullshit) follow a seven-year depreciation schedule instead of 15 years - cost to taxpayers, $100 million.

Tax break on rum from Puerto Rico and Virgin Islands - cost to taxpayers, $192 million.

Help worsted wool manufacturers and clothing makers - cost to taxpayers, $148 million.

[homesystem]

Hey.. maybe I'll be able to cash in on this relief package with some kind of new job...

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601124&sid=adzgHTFJwMIA&refer=home

[Shoval Manuts]

and I'd like to add that Jason Altmire, my representative, voted Nay.  Good show, sir...  good show.

[Tha_Professa]

Doubt they'll pass the lower cost of rum on down to us consumers.
(not that I actually drink much rum anyway)

[pnickers]

Why don't they just buy Americans $192 Million in rum.  Then at least all these earmarks won't seem as bad when we're drunk. 

[newefezziwig]

Well, the president signed it, and here's more detail on some of the earmarks in the bill:

Allowing employers to provide benefits to employees who commute to work via bicycle, such as buying and maintaining a bike - cost to taxpayers, $10 million.

This one sounds good to me actually..

[Nye]

Why don't they just buy Americans $192 Million in rum.  Then at least all these earmarks won't seem as bad when we're drunk. 

Here here!!!

On a similar note, I can't believe i'm working after 6:00 on a friday... I'm going to make up for that by starting my fuckin birthday celebration 3 days early and go out and get good and hammered tonight. 

[newefezziwig]

Why don't they just buy Americans $192 Million in rum.  Then at least all these earmarks won't seem as bad when we're drunk. 

Here here!!!

On a similar note, I can't believe i'm working after 6:00 on a friday...

You in some kind of crazy ass different NY time zone?  my watch says 5:15

[Jeebas]

and I'd like to add that Jason Altmire, my representative, voted Nay.  Good show, sir...  good show.

I originally thought that he said he was going to vote for the new (Thursday or Friday) bill, but I gues after looking at it - he didn't. Side note - That dude sure runs a hell of a lot of commercials - I hope he beats Melissa Hart (the incumbent he beat in 2006 who is running against him now) - but he must have a hell of a budget.

[Nye]

Why don't they just buy Americans $192 Million in rum.  Then at least all these earmarks won't seem as bad when we're drunk. 

Here here!!!

On a similar note, I can't believe i'm working after 6:00 on a friday...

You in some kind of crazy ass different NY time zone?  my watch says 5:15

No, but i knew that I would be working after 6:00... to be honest i was pretty pissed to be working past 5 on a friday too.

[Shoval Manuts]

I know we've all heard during the debates that we need "oversight" for the $700 BILLION bailout...  well, meet the face of oversight.



Read article:  http://www.swamppolitics.com/news/politics/blog/2008/10/bailout_czar_named.html

[homesystem]

That's scaring the hell out of me.

[Tha_Professa]

I don't like oversight anymore.

[Tha_Professa]

Thank god.
Soon we'll be ready for quadrillion dollar debt.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/10/09/national.debt.clock.ap/index.html?imw=Y&iref=mpstoryemail

[Bull]

Dude looks like a vulture

[newefezziwig]

Thank god.
Soon we'll be ready for quadrillion dollar debt.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/10/09/national.debt.clock.ap/index.html?imw=Y&iref=mpstoryemail

That should put the $700 billion into perspective.  What is $2,500 ($700b split up for every man, woman and child) when each household is already on the hook for $87,000 ?

[Shoval Manuts]

I know we've all heard during the debates that we need "oversight" for the $700 BILLION bailout...  well, meet the face of oversight.



Read article:  http://www.swamppolitics.com/news/politics/blog/2008/10/bailout_czar_named.html

Check out his high school yearbook - priceless.

http://gawker.com/5066012/neel-ferrari-kashkari-the-us-bailout-chiefs-epic-high-school-yearbook

[Jeebas]

I know we've all heard during the debates that we need "oversight" for the $700 BILLION bailout...  well, meet the face of oversight.



Read article:  http://www.swamppolitics.com/news/politics/blog/2008/10/bailout_czar_named.html

Check out his high school yearbook - priceless.

http://gawker.com/5066012/neel-ferrari-kashkari-the-us-bailout-chiefs-epic-high-school-yearbook

Aww man I feel bad for the band Rush after reading that

[homesystem]

I don't.. Rush gets what they deserve.  Besides, they got to be featured in that episode of Futurama where Fry plays Space Invaders, so that's pretty good.

[pnickers]

They were also featured in an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. 

[$1.50]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabriel_Over_the_White_House

[Shoval Manuts]

Well, it turns out we were all lied to.  I know the article is long, but bottom line, banks are using the bailout money to recapitalize themselves and buy up other struggling banks, NOT buying up the "toxic" real estate debts they have on their books.  Folks should be mad, but the majority of America is too busy watching the Biggest Loser and Everyone Loves New York to really give a shit.  It's a sad state of affairs...

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/25/business/25nocera.html?_r=1&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss&oref=slogin

[Tha_Professa]

I didn't know that there was a show called Everyone Loves New York.

I have no plans to watch it now that I know it exists.

[homesystem]

I plan on drinking more.

[Tha_Professa]

Now that's a plan I can get on board with!

[Jeebas]

Amen!

[Nye]

I didn't know that there was a show called Everyone Loves New York.

I have no plans to watch it now that I know it exists.

Ponce, I don't think you realize how blissfully ignorant you are about this show.  The "New York" that the title speaks about isn't the city in which I live and work, which would be bad enough.  But this "New York" is the loser of the Flava Flave show, "Flava of Love". I know this because of The Soup and The Best Week Ever, two great shows that rip our popular culture a new asshole every single week.

This "New York" of which they speak is a hideous despicable human being and you should be very happy that you don't know anything about it.